By Crystal Queer

“You want me to do what?!”

Have you ever been surprised by anything a partner has wanted to do in bed?  Have you ever surprised someone else (or even yourself) with the things that you wanted to do or have done to you?

Sex is complicated enough when we stick to the “basics,” the things most people think of when they think of sex.  But the fact is that there is a huge variety of ways in which people get pleasure, and many of them are a little… well, weird.  At least, they can certainly seem so to others—in fact, the more unusual a particular behavior seems, the more likely it is to be labeled a fetish.

A list of sexual fetishes (scientifically culled from Google search results) shows a broad range of tastes and behaviors.  Some are fairly well known, like foot fetishes, or a preference for being tied up.  Others are more unusual: arousal from whipping, food, obscene phone calls, hair in various locations, and several different bodily functions.  Some even seem laughable or ridiculous: arousal from dancing, for instance, or being on trains, or being hit with a pie.

Maybe all of these things are absolutely unappealing to you; or maybe one or two of them sound pretty enticing. It’s fine either way.  Chances are there’s something you’d like to do in bed that isn’t necessarily your partner’s cup of tea.  So, as with most everything about sex, it’s a matter of finding the right partner.  The sex columnist Dan Savage coined the term GGG (good, giving, and game) for the attitude we should all have towards our partner’s fetishes or sexual fantasies.  A particular activity might not be your idea of a good time, but it might make someone else’s night.  Who knows, you might even find yourself enjoying it more than you thought…

Now we have reached the point in this column where I get very serious for a minute.  Whatever your private fantasies may include, there are two obligatory rules for carrying them out in real life.  One is that you have your partner’s consent to whatever it is you want to do.  Absolutely no exceptions.  The second rule is that whatever you do, be smart and be safe about it.  As long as you’re both consenting adults and no serious harm is going to befall anyone, you’re all set as far as I’m concerned, no matter how strange or unusual your activities might seem to anyone else.

In my experience, people are intensely private about their wilder sexual fantasies.  You and your friends might talk about sex, but you’re unlikely to share everything you want done to you in bed.  Maybe you’ve never even had the courage to ask a partner to help you fulfill your desires.  So next time you’re with a partner you really trust, ask them to try something new with you.  Chances are, you’ll be able to help them out with some fantasies of their own.